Hypocrite?

So, it's been well over a year since I started my blog with the intention of writing these devastatingly insightful posts on a daily or possibly weekly basis. HA! That hasn't happened! Sad?? Well, maybe... I think sometimes we begin something with these amazing intentions and then for so many, many reasons, we allow ourselves to disregard those intentions. Do we not want to look at ourselves in an authentic manner? Do we really want to see the truth about ourselves? Do we really want to put forth the effort? Well, I can say that for most of these questions, I can honestly say NO!

See, if I actually put my reality down on paper (or rather the tree-saving medium of blogging), then I have to truly face my downfalls. On one hand, that seems so very freeing but so very scary! I mean, come on, I might actually have to admit that I had that Chinese food for lunch instead of the healthy lunch I meant to have. Or that I didn't workout when I planned or needed to! And gosh darn it, I have to actually focus and get my act together enough to post on a regular basis. Let me tell you, I'm QUEEN of procrastination and letting life get in my way!

So, here I start again with good intentions. You know, though, I think this little blog could actually help me. Oh and it might, just might, help someone else. There might just be one or two (or even more) out there just like me *insert Stuart Smiley here*. I crack myself up!

Since my last ditch attempt at brilliant quips, what have I been up to? Well, my parents are legally divorced; started taking & fell in love with Zumba; my father married his tramp; my brother was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel and received orders to be deployed to Afghanistan (leaves in a month); stayed at my job; made it through another not-so-fun summer of working 7-days/week; visited Thailand; became a Beachbody Coach; and on the upside, officially lost 10lbs and have kept it off. It's not exactly headline newsworthy, but all-in-all, a decent year.

What is my focus these days? Honestly, trying to figure out what path my life should go in! Aren't we all in this similar boat? Rowing, rowing, rowing and not really making it anywhere. I'm super excited in that one month from today, I will become certified to teach Zumba. I'm really thrilled to have found a workout that I love to do, never get tired of doing and actually want to teach! I'm contemplating spending some more money and becoming certified as a personal trainer. I want to take my life in a new direction, in a direction where I don't necessarily sit behind a desk every single day. I love working with and helping people. I think somewhere in the craziness of my life and my history, I might actually be able to teach others. Help others not to make the same mistakes that I have. Oh and actually help others to get a clue long before I did. I mean, gosh, I'm five months away from turning 35 and I'm just FINALLY figuring out how to lose weight. That being the bane of my existence for probably the past 20 years!

So do you think anyone would actually want me for their personal trainer? I'm certainly not Barbie-thin. I'm not the poster-child for healthy eating or sticking to a workout routine 7 days a week. Are these all signs of the perfect personal trainer? Orrrrrrrr, is the fact that I'm not the perfect eater or worker-outer actually to my benefit? (oh and yes, I do realize that I've made up some words here. I do actually have a college education and know proper English grammar)

I also think that by my helping others, they will be helping me! Heck, I may actually figure out a healthy way to deal with the emotional BS stemming from my parents' divorce and the fact that my father has abandoned me (even at my age) that I just keep stuffing, stuffing, stuffing down inside. I pondered the other night with my Mom, wondering when that stuffing might actually explode on me? Some day down the road I suppose. And maybe, my lack of proper eating and inability to stick to a workout routine 7 days a week all stems from that emotional burial?

Stay tuned and we'll find out together.